Mistake

Gazing around, I can see a lot of toxic relationships. For balance you see, every good comes with bad. If you cry you shall laugh, if you fight you shall kiss, if you get hurt you shall heal. But do you ever feel like breaking the rules, crossing the line and going beyond the obvious requirements?

All this time I kept on loving you from afar. Reading all the words you wrote for me. Mesmerizing our moments together, I kept on staring at our pictures. Ironically, our relationship became as still as the framed photos. For some people our conversations were meaningless but for me they were everything. And then came this moment. The moment of truth.

Is it important for your future to know your past? Your tomorrows to know your yesterdays? Your good to know your bad? For them to know your mistakes? I think we humans are made to make mistakes. Our mistakes are what make us ourselves. Mistakes tell us we are alive and very much sane. It is insane to be perfect. To never have done something wrong is just wrong. What really is a mistake? Why do you call it a mistake? Because eventually you realize it is wrong. And that is the real sanity, knowing you are wrong.

I think and ask myself, does he know me? The person I am with, does he know my heart? Does he know my love? Had he known, his heart would have allowed mine to be his. Surely it wouldn’t have thought about hurting the one who made his heart beat a different sound, and make me go through hell and question it all. Question myself. He drew me in and that’s what made me take care of him. That’s what made me fall. He made me fall.

But can I blame him? Can I question him? No. my naivety and I trusted him, I wish he could see the repercussions his actions can do. I wonder if he could see it himself or see me maybe. Because you know the closer I look, the more I can see him but I can barely find myself.

That’s toxicity right? Holding on to someone who says he wants to stay but in your heart you know the harder he tries the more you fade. You just keep standing there and slowly you step down the memory lane. The memories you thought had left haunting you, the moments you thought had stopped chasing you, the pages you thought you had burnt forever. And then, when you hear them say it is your fault. It maybe is. It always is. It always will be. But despite being so miserably crestfallen you know why we still cling to hope? Because in all our mistakes that person is the only real insanity we have. The only perfect thing we belong with. And that is why we stay; we cannot help but love them even in the bad and that too with all our heart.